Am I Hearing or Deaf?

Do I consider myself hearing or deaf?  Honestly, I think I am both.  I get to enjoy the best of both worlds.  I don't consider myself completely hearing because some situations are very difficult to hear.  But I don't consider myself completely deaf either because I have a cochlear implant.  I live in the hearing world, but I prefer to let people know that I am deaf.  I get this question often, and I have thought about it a lot.  I go back and forth.  Sometimes I consider myself hearing, but then I switch and consider myself deaf.  So I've come to the decision that I am both deaf and hearing.  

I prefer to keep my cochlear implant on as much as I can.  I don't like being deaf when there are others around me.  I feel left out.  If it is really noisy and I'm doing homework I will shush people, and then they get mad because they know that I can just take my cochlear implant off. I hate it when people say, "Just take off your cochlear implant!" I don't want to take it off because then I will miss things they say, and sometimes it can get too quiet.   However, there are times when I do take off my cochlear implant.  I consider it my "safe place".  When I am having a rough day I go into my room and turn off my cochlear implant.  I also sometimes take it off when I am home alone.  Or when I need to go in the basement alone, I will take it off.  Whenever I want to go into my safe place, I just turn it off. 

I like the name deaf better than hearing impaired, hard of hearing, or hearing loss. I don't know why, but I just prefer being called deaf.  I also hate when people use the word hearing aids when referring to my cochlear implant.  I don't have hearing aids, I have a cochlear implant!  They are completely different!

I don't consider myself disabled at all!  Sure, I might not be able to hear perfectly, but I can do anything a hearing person can do.  I can dance, play sports, wakeboard, repel, etc.  I have never felt that I couldn't do something because I am deaf.  Some things might be harder, but they aren't impossible.  

As I get older one of the things I think about is whether or not I will marry a hearing or deaf guy.  I would prefer marrying a hearing guy because I want him to be able to help me.  I want him to be able to hear when our children wake up so he can wake me up.  However, I would prefer that my future husband knows ASL or be willing to learn ASL.  

At the end of the day I am deaf, but I am also hearing!  In some ways I am lucky because I can take advantage of the best of both worlds.